Erica Livingston © 2010
Erica sits in front of the block with a mayonnaise sandwich. The florescent lights are on.
Erica: Recently I was asked to cry over a mayonnaise sandwich.
Voice: Treat it like Checov.
Erica: That's what the casting director actually said.
Erica: I tried. (She tries) I tried thinking of terrible things, my insecurities, my failures, the loss of my grandfather. I was trying to summon up the sadness I felt and still feel about his death and I could see papaw in the sandwich. I was putting my dead grandfather in a mayonnaise sandwich and then I had to take a bite…of papaw. And cry. And I couldn't do it.
Voice: I need to see real tears.
Erica: I have auditioned for two different mayonnaise companies. I would really like to help sell mayonnaise because I love mayonnaise, because where I’m from we eat mayonnaise on everything, I mean really, my mother eats mayo on more than just white bread, i'm talking black eyed peas and butter beans. She also drinks buttermilk over ice with cornbread in it, which is just gross. But there is something about all of that that I love. Some ownership of where I came from and who I am. Cause what else am I gonna do with it?
Voice: Tears of joy. It's the best sandwich you've ever seen. (She tries)
Erica: I'm practically transparent, you can see my veins! I lived in a trailer, I rocked a side pony for way longer than I should have and I know the taste of government cheese. I burned y bangs the other day by lighting a cigarette off the stove. My new school clothes were put on layaway, I really like Slim Jim's, and I've been to jail...twice...once for fighting a guy in public. So what does this make me?
Voice: You're the happiest woman in the whole world right now.
Erica: But waiting in the hall at those auditions, I could just hear sound of my Mom's squeal if I told her I booked a Kraft or Hellman's commercial. And honestly these days I talk to my mom less and less because when we do talk it's mainly about all her stray animals. And I get mad, which is ugly, but true.
(pause)
Erica: I didn't cry over the sandwich. I tried.
(She tries)
Erica: More than once. But I couldn't.
List of things the rat took from me
Erica Livingston © 2009
Erica has a stack of 28 pieces of kraft american cheese in her hand with avery labels (8160) adhered to them with each piece of cheese stating one of the items from the list. She shuffles the cheese slices and starts reading one at a time. Each time she reads a cheese slice she violently throws it into the audience. She moves from USR across the stage and up and down the isle. By the time the stack is done she has made her way back to CS and she pulls one last piece of cheese from her pocket, unwraps it, shoves it in her mouth and reads the last one (always the same every night, as opposed to the others that will be in a new random order every night) with her mouth full of cheese.
- $50 non-stick baking sheet that I saved up to buy from the brooklyn Kitchen
- tupperware Cereal Container that I had my eye on and won at Angie Thomas' Tupperware party right before I was married
- 2 bags of clothes that I was going to give away but I wanted to take them to Salvation Army, instead I threw them out.
- A weeks worth of deep cleaning time
- The trust of my landlord
- $119.86 to pay the maid to help me disinfect the floors
- $20 to tip the maid
- My sanity
- 13 calls to my landlord and exterminator
- sleep
- $15 to buy the biggest traps money can get you in Brooklyn
- One mop that cleaned up some of the blood from when he gnawed his arm off to get out of the trap
- One bag of fritos to put in the trap
- 2 spoonfuls of peanut butter to put in the trap
- A handful of dog food to put in the trap
- Confidence in my dog as "the boss of rats"
- Confidence in my husband as "the boss of rats"
- Confidence in exterminators as "the boss of rats"
- Hours worth of disinfecting appliances
- 3 pairs of flip flops
- Hundreds of paper towels
- A bottle of 409
- 60 lbs of clean laundry
- I can not say, "I've never had a full fucking size rat in my house!"
- My ability to sleep through the scratches and screams of a critter living somewhere in the kitchen
- I can not say, "I didn't know rats could scream?"
- I can not say, "WOW, I didn't know rats would gnaw their own arms off!"
- the comfort to crash out on my floor without fear
- my unconditional love of living in this city
An Open Letter to Senator Reverend Ruben Diaz
Erica Livingston © 2009
ALL: Dear Mr. Senator, We are writing to you from the East Villiage. We are the New York Neo-Futurists.
ROB: We perform a show 50 weekends out of the year here.
ERICA: Know that this letter you are reading has been performed live
ALL: 8 time(s)
ERICA: in front of our audiences which we believe represent a big part of the future for this city and state.
BORG: We have one thing in common,
ALL: you and the Neos;
BORG: just as you said you are not 'one of those politicians who hides what he believes from the people' we are not the types of artists that hide what we believe either.
DESIREE: Some of us heard your interview on WNYC this week and were appalled.
LAUREN: Your opposition to gay marriage is your right but in our opinion is based in nothing but ignorance, fear, and hate.
ROB: There are many of your opinions we disagree on: such as
DAN: your belief that Sonia Sotomayor would be a bad choice if appointed to the supreme court,
JOEY: stem cell research, which you said was the modern day alchemy
ERICA: and your thoughts on abortion when you compared women who get abortions to Adolf Hitler and his actions in the Holocoust.
ALL: But the thing we'd like to express most right now is our disaggrement on Marriage Equality.
DAN: You stated that gay marriage would hurt everyone but your main concern were the children. Children adopted by homosexuals. We are befuddled by this, as how would you know what it is like to be raised by homosexuals?
ERICA: Some of us do know what it's like.
ROB: Within the tiny constraints of our 15 member company we have
BORG: members who were adopted,
ERICA: members raised by the gay community and also
DAN: members who are gay and would love the opportunity to marry whomever they choose and start a family.
LAUREN: The members of our company live all over New York City and even in Jersey.
DESIREE: However, none of us live within your district in the South Bronx, the poorest and one of the least educated districts in New York City.
JOEY: Yet, because you are a front runner of the 29 senators opposing the Marriage Equality Bill we felt it important to write to you.
ROB: We have read that you have been receiving harassing phone calls from 'the gay community' calling you and your staff names.
DESIREE: We are surprised by this tackiness, as we have found the gay community to be much more mature as a whole than this.
LAUREN: Though we know this is not the right way to go about it, and we do not support such mean behavior, can you blame them for reacting so intensely.
ERICA: You spoke out against their hopes and dreams.
DAN: Their futures.
BORG: Their lives and one day, hopefully, their rights.
JOEY: We are doing a pride show to benefit Marriage Equality in New York and would like to extend an invitation to you.
LAUREN: We will comp you and a guest on either night of our show.
DESIREE: Instead of calling you harsh names, or displaying any aggression at all we would like to show you what we do,
DAN: who we are
ERICA: and why we disagree with you.
ROB: We will be mailing this letter to you everyday from June 12th until June 26th in the hopes that you read it and respond.
ALL: Sincerely,
The New York Neo-Futurists
ERICA: If any of you would like to write a letter to Senator Reverend Ruben Diaz you can find it here.
CURTAIN
